The last few months have been amazing, and I’m not taking one moment of it for granted. Because it’s been a long few years! Whether it was selling everything we had to get out of debt, going through two failed management experiences, or our last house sale falling through and us having to carry the cost of two homes, our journey, as likely yours, has been filled with ups and downs. Right now is one of the good times. You know…the kind of season where you can’t believe how many good things are happening, and you keep asking yourself, “Okay, is something bad just around the corner? Because this all seems too good to be true.”
We just sold out our entire fall tour, followed by some amazing solo performance opportunities, and 2010 is shaping up to be unbelievable. And while huge financial gains haven’t been connected to those opportunities, there’s just a lot of really, really amazing things coming together that are big wins for our ministry. Call it whatever you want…favor…success…it feels amazing. Especially after working so hard, and having the perspective gained from contrasting experiences, (like all the times it didn’t seem like there was light at the end of the tunnel).
But, (and that’s a BIG but), I’m nervous. Because my previous track record shows that I couldn’t handle success in a healthy way.
The other night I came home after a meeting on sort of an emotional high. I just couldn’t believe how many things are falling into place for us right now. And as I walked from my car to my house I caught myself having flashbacks to four years ago. Four years ago, I was an arrogant fool.
Four years ago I was in a season of life where things were good. Really good. I was 21 years old, traveling all over the place, making really good money, living in a nice house, driving nice cars, eating really, really good steaks. Then my whole world came crashing down…all because of my pride and arrogance. My life was all about me, so God humbled me. And it turns out, that’s something he happens to be amazing at.
In moments like these in my journey, when my efforts are paying off and being blessed, I have to be really careful to not get too comfortable. So during that walk from my house to my car, I decided to talk to God and make a request. I prayed, “God, please do not allow me to get so comfortable that I lose focus. Don’t let me screw this all up and end up trying to make it all about me again. Do whatever it takes to protect me from myself, by reminding me that you are the lead role and starring character in this story, and that none of it is possible without you.”
Let me warn you. If you pray a prayer like that sincerely, God will honor your request. I prayed that prayer two weeks ago, and while good things are continuing to happen, I’ve been reminded daily that none of it is possible without Him. I am once again being humbled.
In just two days, we leave for a one month long tour in Thailand. We’ll be traveling all over the country doing shows daily, talking about the true meaning of Christmas, and sharing truth in dark places with people who are desperately searching for meaning. To make the trip possible, we needed to raise at least $5,000. When that was determined, I said, “No problem. I can raise that.” Key word: “I.”
I couldn’t. I failed miserably. But honestly, things have been going so well, I got a little cocky, and was feeling like I could do just about anything. The reality is, I’ve spent the last 48 hours learning that God will provide when he chooses to, and he will probably choose to do so after I am reminded that I can’t do it without him. He is in control, whether I like it or not. And the moments I start to believe that I’m in control, I’m believing an illusion. Isn’t it amazing how often we run from God because we want to control things on our own, when in reality, it’s all out of our control to begin with? When you realize you’re out of control whether you like it or not, letting go and giving your life to God starts to make a lot of sense after all.
I posted our need of raising money online, along with information about the missions work we’re doing in Asia. I raised only $60 of the more than $5,000 we need. I even made it simple, by including a fancy little button so that people could easily donate online, and their gifts would be tax-deductible. Still, $60. So, I hosted a local show here in Nashville as a fund-raiser. That night we raised only $400. That puts me at less than $500, and we need $5,000, for a trip we leave for in only two days.
I have done everything I can to raise the money. So I woke up this morning pretty frustrated. And my frustration almost immediately turned to God. I thought, “God, what’s the deal? It’s so clear to me that we’re doing what you’ve asked us to do. We’re taking the time off. We’re not getting paid. We’re traveling to the other side of the world. And I don’t even like Thai food. Why won’t you just provide the money we need??”
It was as if God immediately said, “Umm…remember when you asked me to remind you that this isn’t about you? I wanted to make sure that you remembered that none of this is possible without me. So, now that I have your attention, I encourage you to walk by faith, not by sight. That is the very message you’ve been sharing with others, right?”
Don’t you hate when that happens? I do, but I was once again reminded that I am not in control, and that’s a really, really good place to be.
Am I alone in this? What about you? When things are going well for you, do you find yourself less in need of “faith”? Do you begin to get comfortable, and through that comfort, start to lose focus? When has your over-confidence led to pride and arrogance, and how were you humbled by God?
Will God provide the funding we need? Though it’s hard to believe sometimes, yes, I do believe that he will. I just hope he does it soon! In the mean time, why freak out? I’m not in control anyway, so giving my false sense of control to God is actually a much better idea. And if you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it.
Tags: bj harris, fundraising, illusionist, international missions, thailand
Harris, I totally understand about the finances and such. I am married and have 4 children. Less than 2 years ago God called us to Owensboro, KY into a new ministry. I prayed God if it is you let the doors open and if it is not let them shut. The doors opened and everything pointed to the move. So we load up and head into a new ministry. Almost everything lined up…The only thing left was our house back home. We just knew that our house would sell. Well months went by and nothing. Our savings began to deplete. Finally it was so bad that when our washer went out I couldn’t even afford to buy the cheapest one. But God made a way and we had someone that bought us one and even had it delivered to our house. Still again we had to trust that God would make a way. The house was still not sold and then winter hit. I am sure you remember hearing about the huge ice storm that hit KY this year. Kentucky was devastated. Well after the smoke cleared from that we headed back to visit for the weekend (old home). My dad hands me a envelope and it had a deposit payment for our house! A lady had seen our house for sell in a paper (she lived 1 1/2 hours from). Her house was destroyed in the storm and was looking for one. She purchased our house within the next month.
I can’t say I know where you have been. Because nobody ever lives in another’s shoes. But I can say…that sometimes God says “wait and watch”. You making a faith step will be blessed. It may not happen when you think it will but it will. While on the mission brother just focus on what God wants from you there. Don’t let the worries of home set in and cloud your vision. Go help pierce that darkness and watch God move.
Jamie – Thank you so much for your encouragement! I really appreciate you taking the time to come here, add a comment, and take the time to encourage everyone with part of your story. Thank you!!