My wife Katie and I went to Barnes & Noble last night. We’re both obsessed with books. In fact, I’d put books in one of the top three things that have shaped me into who I am today. But because I’ve been so busy lately, I’m way behind on my reading and there’s still a huge stack of books at my house waiting for me. Since I didn’t need to tempt myself with anything new from the shelves of Barnes & Noble, I spent my time perusing all of the other things that they sell, including the Journals. In preparation for Catalyst I bought a new journal, which if I’m honest, was probably a waste of money.

Why?  Because I’ve bought a ton of journals through the years, but I’ve yet to fill one up. Every time I get a new one I tell myself, “This is the one. I’m going to journal consistently this time.” But I don’t. And the reason why is likely because I’m a little too O.C.D. I miss a day, (or a few days), and then feel like I failed at journaling.  For some really strange reason I feel like I have to write something in that thing every single day – that journaling is a “daily” activity.

I know. I’m messed up.

To try to get over my mindset, I’ve tried viewing the pages less as a journal and more of just a place to jot down my thoughts, ideas, questions, etc.  But when I do that, my mind starts attempting to organize all of the content.  I’ll start writing down an idea, which turns into notes, and then a to-do list.  But then I get to the end of a page and the next page is devoted to a different idea.  My O.C.D. kicks in again, and once again my writing comes to a stop.  I can’t pick up the notes on that idea a few pages later, because my journal would then be unorganized.

Am I crazy? Of course.  I recognize that, and this is mostly just silliness and non-sense. But I am determined. I’m letting go of my obsession and expectations of what journaling should be like, and I’m just going to put a pen to the page.  We’ll see how I do this time around.

What about you?  Do you journal regularly?  If so, has it had an impact on your life in any way? Am I the only person who gives up on journaling because of a few obsessive compulsive tendencies?

Or…what else have you given up on because the expectations you set for yourself were too high and ended up seeming impossible? I bet this same idea applies to the failure of doing a lot of things. (For a lot of people, the expectation to exercise every single day can easily lead to quickly giving up, because the daily expectation is hard to meet.)

Let’s throw out the expectations together, shall we?

Tags: journaling, journals, o.c.d., obsessive compulsive

• 2 Comments
• Filed under: Observations
• RSS