The following post was pulled from Harris’ previous blog. While the post may not be current, it was re-posted here based on the high amount of feedback and comments received.

There were about 30 men in the circle. I was already getting nervous…yet somehow excited at the same time. One by one, each guy began to state why he was there in 1-2 sentences. It was almost my turn. The man next to me said, “I’m here because I’m f***** up, and I feel like there are other men here who are f***** up with me.” He talked for maybe 15 more seconds. I wanted him to talk longer. Because I was next.

“I’m Harris,” I said. “Hi Harris,” the group responded. My knees were shaking. “Um…I’m here because I’m a professional Christian…and…uh…a professional liar. I’m having a hard time learning how to be real. I’m a friend of Nate’s, and I’m here because I heard this might be a place that I could learn to be who I really am, in an effort to become who I want to be.” The entire group responded again. “Thanks, Harris.”

I know what it sounds like – sitting in a circle, stating your name, acknowledging each other – but I promise, I’m not a drunk. In fact, other than the sip of wine my wife talked me into tasting while in Napa Valley, no form of alcohol has ever touched my tongue. This is not because I’m legalistic or judgmental. It’s for two reasons:

1. That first sip of wine set my throat on fire. (Feel free to join my wife in making fun…I can handle it, I promise.)
2. I tend to be a creature of habit. If I find out that I like something, I tend to develop obsessions.

But now I’m on a rabbit trail. Back to the point…

I’m here because I’m a professional Christian…and…uh…a professional liar. I’m having a hard time learning how to be real. I’m here because I heard this might be a place that I could learn to be who I really am, in an effort to become who I want to be.

This was not an AA meeting, though frankly, I’m at a point in my life where if I were at an AA meeting, I’d have no problem admitting it. I told you I was feeling freedom, and I meant it.

The meeting was the weekly gathering of a group called, “The Samson Society.” It’s existed for a few years now, and was started by my friend, Nate Larkin. He wrote a book a few years back titled, Samson and the Pirate Monks. I won’t spoil the book for you, but he has an incredible story and you need to read it.

As I sat in the meeting, I listened to Christian men be transparent about their lives and struggles. One guy is addicted to porn. One guy is addicted to debt. One guy is married with kids, but struggles with homosexuality. One guy hates people, and is learning how to relate to them.

One by one they authentically shared their lives with each other. And one by one they experienced freedom. And as it happened, no one shared advice. No shared scripture. And most importantly, no one judged. There is most definitely a time and place for advice and God’s word, but this wasn’t the time.

You see, this isn’t normal. People, especially men, don’t share their junk. I mean, why would they? Most of the time, it only leads to condemnation. But in this safe place, they could be real. Transparent. Authentic. And free.

After the meeting, we went to the local pub. (Ironically owned by a couple of Christians.) While there, I experienced community in a way I’d never experienced it before. I was surrounded by more language and alcohol than I’d ever been surrounded by in my entire life. (Then again, I’ve led a pretty sheltered life for the past 24 years.) Yet I was unable to escape a simple fact: I felt like these men were closer to the heart of God than any other men I’ve spent time with.

They are living in true community with each other, with eyes focused on Jesus, and the brotherhood they’ve created is an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. True community might just be impossible without authenticity, and a whole lot of radical grace.

Is “transparency” a buzz word? Has “authenticity” become a fad in the church? Probably. More than one of you have responded with that opinion, and to be honest, I’d have to agree. But do your best to not write off the entire church with one huge stroke. Because in some places in the world, it’s happening, and it’s changing lives.

Including mine.

Most people don’t realize it, but my life tends to mirror my vocation. I live an illusion.

A couple of months ago, I was meeting with a friend/marketing consultant regarding blogs/social networking sites/web 2.0 stuff. I was explaining my struggle with the new form of “content-driven” marketing rooted in transparency, because in the past, my view of marketing has always been that it’s a “battle of perceptions.”

The goal has always been to create the perception of what I want to be – busy, in-demand, professional, respected, etc. So, all of my marketing and advertising contributes to the perception that I am those things, so that I can become those things. After all, don’t people want to hire people who are in-demand already?

The problem is, that mentality penetrated my personal life. (Should they ever be separated?) I’ve spent my entire life managing relationships and creating illusions. I’ve done everything in my power to create perceptions in other people’s minds of how I want them to view me.

I wanted people to think I’m successful, so I bought a big house I shouldn’t have. Then I wanted people to think I was humble, so I sold that one and bought a small one. Then I went on to tell people the story of how I bought a big house, then sold it to move into a smaller one. “Look how humble I am…”

The bottom line is that it’s all I’ve ever done. The result has been shallow relationships, and a life filled with a lack of genuine character. I know, it was stupid. And the plan totally back fired.

I’ve spent my entire life managing relationships and creating illusions. I’ve done everything in my power to create perceptions in other people’s minds of how I want them to view me.

A few weeks ago, my pastor had a panel discussion on suffering. Someone didn’t show up, so just before the service he told me I was going to be on the panel. I said, “No thanks.” He said, “You don’t have a choice.”

My first thought was, “Crap. If I knew I was going to be on stage, I would’ve worn cooler clothes.” Obviously, it’s still a constant struggle for me, and will be for a long time. But I’m slowly learning because I can taste freedom. I’ve been tasting it for 6 months now, and I’ve never experienced quite like I have in the past couple of days. (More later…)

We must create safe places, especially in the church, where people from all walks of life can be authentic and transparent. And it has to start at leadership, because authenticity breeds authenticity.

Only through our authentic admittance of pain and suffering, can true healing begin to occur. It will change the face the christianity, and therefore the face of Jesus.

The following post was pulled from Harris’ previous blog. While the post may not be current, it was re-posted here based on the high amount of feedback and comments received.

As most of you know, Katie and I just returned from spending two weeks in China. (I actually have a good excuse for going two weeks without writing this time.)

While there is much I learned while experiencing Chinese culture, (like the fact that there are 1.2 Billion people who have never been told the truth), one of the most significant things that fascinated me was the acceptance of shallow relationships. What’s ironic is why their relationships are so shallow. It’s called “Saving Face.”

To “save face” means that you share nothing about yourself that would show weakness. That means that transparency is frowned upon. For example, someone from China could have had the worse disagreement and argument with their spouse that they’ve ever had, but the moment that person is in public, a smile is plastered on their face. Does any of this sound familiar?

They’re also obsessed with prosperity. That means that if you have lunch or dinner with someone in a restaurant, but don’t have any money, you still pay. In China, it’s incredibly difficult to get someone to allow you to buy their food. Everyone wants to be prosperous, and even if they aren’t, they want to appear that way. Anything sound familiar now?

To “save face” means that you share nothing about yourself that would show weakness. That means that transparency is frowned upon.

Please don’t get me wrong. The Chinese people make up one of the most beautiful cultures that I’ve ever experienced. They’re kind, respectful, and giving. And I fell in love with the idea of serving them.  But transparency? That’s not allowed.

Losing face is against the rules.

The question is, what are the rules? And where did they come from? No one ever created a law in China that said “Thou Shalt Not Lose Face by Showing Thy True Self.” Yet for some reason, authenticity is not acceptable in their culture.

In America, no one ever said, “If you have issues, hide them. If you have debt, don’t tell anyone. Oh, and regardless of what your income or social status is, make sure you drive the car, wear the right clothes, and live in the right neighborhood.”

To be honest, I’m sick of trying to “save face.” Sure, we don’t call it that in American culture, but it’s the same thing. And it’s time to get real.  Actually, this all reminds of the story that got me thinking about this whole authenticity issue to begin with.

Last fall, a very close friend of mine, (who is in full-time ministry), called me to let me know two things:

1. He’s leaving the country for a few weeks to do some missions work.
2. He’s divorcing his wife.

Is it just me, or does something about that picture not seem right? Granted, he was being authentic in the midst of the conversation. In fact, he was being more transparent than I have ever experienced him to be. But getting there was a journey, and unfortunately, parts of the journey could have been avoided.

Apparently, the problems in his marriage weren’t new. Which didn’t make sense to me. I used to go to their house for dinner at least once a week, and they seemed like they belonged on a poster for the American Christian Family. Their kids were polite and respectful. They worked together, took family vacations, and had dinner together every evening around the same table. Most nights they even studied the Bible.  Their kids were even home-schooled, and with the exception of the Andy Griffith Show, they watched no media unless it was “faith-based” television, movies, or books.  (This is all a whole other discussion…)

So what happened? Well, that’s a question I can’t answer. But I do know why the issue(s) were never resolved. And they had plenty of time to resolve them. Apparently, they’ve been fighting ever since the their kids were born, and he and his wife haven’t slept in the same bed in years.

While we were talking, I asked a simple question: “Why didn’t you talk to someone?” His answer is something I’ll probably carry with me for the rest of my life…

“Harris, I couldn’t talk to anyone. Who was I going to talk to? I’m in ministry. If I told someone the truth about the state of my marriage, I’d be judged, because I’m held to a higher standard.”

Wow. Well, it isn’t a secret anymore. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t judge him. And not because he’s my friend, but because I’ve been telling lies for 24 years myself…about a lot of different things. And if you don’t think you have, then you’re lying to yourself. But the better discussion is, “Why?”

Why can we not be real with the people around us when things are hard? Why can we not ask for help because we’re in fear of being judged? Is it only the fault of those who don’t ask? Or have we created a society where people are judged, only to turn around and be greeted by hypocrisy? After all, why risk? Sometimes I don’t blame people. Why not just “save face”?

What if, instead, we created safe places where people could be real with each other? And what if those in leadership were real with the people they lead? If authenticity breeds authenticity, (and I believe it does), then maybe folks like my friend wouldn’t feel the pressure to show up in public, every day of his life, force another fake smile across his face and pretend to have it all together.  Because let’s face it…”faking it” destroyed his family and everyone got hurt.

The reality is, none of us really have it all together. Let’s be honest about the true mess we all find ourselves in, embrace the pain and suffering, allow it to belong, and get through it. Only through true community, authentic relationships, and God’s radical grace expressed through His followers, will that ever be possible.

I’m sure a lot of you are wondering when I’m going to put this whole “authenticity” thing to rest. The truth is, probably never. It’s now become a life-long pursuit. I’ve experienced the true freedom to be who I was created to be, and I’ve experienced genuine community in the way true relationship was designed to be. No more lies. No more painting pictures. And no more trying to shape, manage, and control the perceptions of other people. I’m now an honest human being, despite what others might think.  It’s only way to survive in a world filled with lies.

No more saving face.